Gossip-worthy brand names for balls-y bitches.

Them: "Omg I have to know more!"

You: *sips* "Of course, right this way."

You know you gotta stand out from the Internet Kyles with their same-y sounding, crotch-adjusting sales talk somehow, right?

And when you're fighting for people to take you seriously (or even just freaking. pay. attention.) you gotta get crafty.

So crafty that your name's whispered from ear-to-ear in rooms you've never been in.

So ingenious that hands fly to lips to muffle involuntary gasps.

So unignorable they can't help but think, "I don't care what you sell, I need it."

And you do need that immediate impact if you want to command presence (or intrigue, or adoration, or, fuck it, an entire slice of the internet.) Because the very first thing people hear about you? Your name.

Let's get yours parching throats and lubricating loins.

Whaddya get?

• 10 "wake up and pay attention" names for your new business, podcast, course, product, program, package (or cat)*

• all pre-checked for web availability (URL + socials)

• plus 7-10 "oooh tell me more" taglines to match

• and 1 round of revisions

• delivered in a PDF + video walkthrough so good you might wet your undergarments (you've been warned)

How long's it take?

Usually around a week. Sometimes a little more if I'm chokkas with client work. Can do a rush order for 10% surcharge. Just pick the option that says, "RUSH IT!".

What's NOT included?

Trademark checking (because despite watching every episode of Boston Legal and having a very respectable gay-man crush on Diane Keaton, I am not a lawyer).

Will the name include SEO keywords?

Fuck no. That is the quickest way to put your readers to sleep. Unless you're Apple or Nike and literally shit money for breakfast, you absolutely need a name that makes people FEEL more than describes what you do. Your website/sales page/bio can do the explaining. Your name has to be so intriguing your competition becomes irrelevant (or at least less interesting than clammy, day-old fish by comparison.)

Will you absolutely LOVE one of the names?

Yes, that's why I include 1 round of revisions - to make sure you're 100% besotted with your name and want to shout it from the roof of the internet. (Helps you promote the shit out of it if you're damn proud of what you call your thing.) Sometimes we need a Zoom call to make it perfect. I'll send you a link if we do.

Are the names unique to me or are you gonna re-use names from other people's projects?

*clutches pearls* Excuse you :) It's all custom - like Etsy. Besides, even if I've named 100 other businesses/products/offerings in your niche, no two people have ever wanted to express the same message or meaning through their names. So it's impossible for me to re-use 'em. Translation: your names are ALLLLLLLL yours.

Why should you get this instead of just picking a name from your (shapely) backside?

You don't have to. But usually by the time my clients read this they've exhausted their creative juices and STILL haven't hit on their One True Name. Plus, it's wayyyyy easier for someone (me) on the outside to see all of what you want to say in your name than it is when you're so close to it. As one of my clients put it, "I'm at that point where everything is starting to sound like a shitty 80s cover band. HELP ME."

Got more Q's?

Lay 'em on me :). Drop me a line via edward [at] dialamuse.com or text on whatsapp: +61409448752. If you're already drooling for a buncha names you can't wait to plaster all over the web (or your IRL shop window)... hit that "I want this" button👇👉☝️. (It's somewhere around here.)

*one name per purchase. e.g. if you want me to dream up names for both your business and your podcast (different ones for each), you'll need to purchase this package twice. Just need one perfect name? One purchase will do. You can always come back for more later.

NOTE: All sales final.